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Posts tagged personal

Looks like I’m doomed to be single. This wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t so very severely allergic to cats….

Sigh.

Maybe I’ll get a cat anyway and just deal with the swollen eyes and difficult breathing and itching. Yeah.

….naaaaah. SIGH.

I GOT MY BABY BACK!!!!!!! :’) :’)

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Posted at 2:49 PM 16 August 2014

My car is totaled. We don’t know if the insurance’s payout will fully cover the remaining amount of the car loan.

Also, as of 2 hours ago, I no longer have a boyfriend.

Also, after discussing my situation with my parents, my plans for going back to school for my teaching certification next month are out the window.

Also, I am such a failure at managing money that I am now once again a burden to my family. I need a second job again.

I haven’t really slept in a week.

What am I even doing with my life? I am a joke.

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Posted at 4:46 PM 19 July 2014

I’ve had a bad weekend

I fought with my boyfriend. We almost broke up, then we didn’t, and now we are on the rocks again. He told me i was being dramatic and emotional. He told me to stop being so sensitive.

I wrecked my car. It’s probably going to be declared totaled because the airbags went off. I got an airbag burn on my entire right forearm.

I can’t sleep. Mostly because of my arm, but also because I can’t turn off my brain.

I have to carpool to work with my dad, which means waking up at 4 instead of 630 to get there (we work different hours). This is not ideal when I can’t get any sleep in the first place.

It could be worse. I am in one piece. My family was 100% there for me and not angry or upset when I had my car accident. No one was injured except me, and the SUV I hit had minimal damage, only a small dent my her rear tire. My boyfriend wants to work things out with me. He’s patient. I’m lucky that my dad and I work in the same company so that it’s possible for me to catch a ride with him, even though it’s earlier than usual. I have awesome friends who showed their support whenever I felt like breaking down these last few days.

But then I got up this morning to take a shower before work (after having not slept more than an hour or so) and a cockroach fell on my burned arm when I tried to open the shower door. I screamed loud enough to wake my parents. I started to cry, because roaches are my worst fear and because I hadn’t meant to scream—I was tired and couldn’t help it. My mom yelled at me and told me to stop. Now it’s 430am, the roach is still in the bathroom, I haven’t showered or brushed my teeth, I’m exhausted, and I have to leave in 15 minutes.

Fuck you, cockroach. Life Ruiner.

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Posted at 4:32 AM 14 July 2014

Drained.
-pretend I put a read more cut here-

Work at the new job was long. There’s not much for me to do there…which is somehow more draining than having a lot to do. It’s a mental strain, staring at blank walls in dead silence and pulling staples all day.

I’ve been emotionally upset for like 3 days. Today was probably the peak of that stress. I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. I yelled at my mom. I yelled at my friend. I yelled at my brother. I yelled at myself. Stupid. So tired.

I’ve been “working out” for about two weeks. I was sore, now I’m not. Yet I couldn’t muster the energy to get up and stick with my routine today. What a waste…failure today, hopefully not tomorrow. Knowing me, though…

Guys, life is at a low point right now. Staying positive is so hard. I know I have a lot going for me…but taking the focus away from the negative is something I have always struggled with. I can’t tell the difference between feeling sorry for myself for insignificant things and actually having something serious to worry and stress about. Finding a balance between self love and self criticism is so so difficult. I feel like I am 1000000% too self centered regardless of everything.

I should work on being a better person. But I’m tired.

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Posted at 10:05 PM 14 April 2014

i’ve always toyed with the idea of really buckling down and getting some prints drawn and made and opening an online store. the problem has always been 50% lack of confidence in my skills and 50% laziness. i always seem to let projects fade into the nether after i get too tired…plus i am 100% unknown in the art community lol.

awwww weeeeell. just some thoughts

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Posted at 1:52 AM 31 March 2014

I think I need a good, long crying session. I need that catharsis. Not a little eye watering either…I’m talking rain on my face, drippy nose, chest heaving, open mouth sobbing. Yeeeeaaaahhhh, that’d be awesome.

Also, I want to get some cactus for my room.

Also, I’m starting a new job in a week or so :)

No worries, everything’s going pretty good at the moment. Just, FEELINGS. They’re how you know you’re alive!!

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Tagged with personal,
Posted at 3:03 AM 30 March 2014
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Posted at 10:48 PM 22 February 2014
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Posted at 12:52 PM 19 February 2014

some introspection

i suppose every once in a while it’s good to go over your own good and bad points, if only to both feel better about yourself while also realizing that there’s always room for improvement :)

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Posted at 11:37 PM 22 January 2014

all i want to do right now is draw pretty things and then color those pretty things but all i’m doing is staring at this sketchbook and frowning at all the SHIT THAT IS APPEARING AT THE END OF THIS PENCIL AND GOD DAMN IT THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING WHY CAN’T I JUST DRAW AND COLOR PRETTY THINGS FRICK

F   R   I   C   K

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Posted at 10:48 PM 07 January 2014

this is a vent, please ignore.

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Posted at 8:53 PM 01 January 2014

Out of a top possible score of 12, my love languages are:

10 - quality time
9 - physical touch
7 - gifts
3 - words of affirmation
1 - acts of service

Iiiiiiinterestiiiiiiing. I’m surprised at how high physical touch is and how low words of affirmation are. Go figure :)

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Posted at 1:08 PM 29 December 2013

I went on a first date and tasted romantic rejection for the first time in my life earlier this week. After the initial shock (we got along really well, had a great date, and had a LOT in common), I was a bit confused and seriously dejected…my self esteem took a bad hit.

But then I realized!! It wasn’t me. He told me he didn’t feel a connection. Is that my fault? No. He also told me I am an amazing woman…just not for him. I respect that. I’m awesome. He was really sweet. But not any two people will have that “connection”, whatever that means.

So basically now, I’m okay. It hurt, but I learned from it. I was myself, which is important, and that meant we found out we weren’t a good fit….saving me a lot of potential heartbreak later. Yes, this was a good learning experience. It sucked (and still kinda sucks), but still a good experience.

Back to being single with zero prospects, though…sigh. I’m kind of tired of being single -__-

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Posted at 3:11 AM 28 December 2013

I let a coworker look through one of my sketchbooks at work and she was trying to tell me how creative I was

And I just sat there and looked at all the almost identical floating heads on the page and laughed in her face

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Tagged with personal, art tag, drawing,
Posted at 4:38 PM 27 December 2013